


Ineffable BUREAUcracy

by Cafe_Bar



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fighting, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Other, Sexual Tension, Taunting, Tension, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23172799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cafe_Bar/pseuds/Cafe_Bar
Summary: The Prince of Hell and The Archangel Gabriel share an office on Earth and despite that things have been civil, there is some tension.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Prince of Hell/Archangel Gabriel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

Beelzebub supposed they didn’t mind sharing an office space with The Archangel Gabriel, though they would never admit it. The angel was quiet, and kept to himself, unlike the rabble The Prince was used to. He kept his papers in neat piles, and even had paperclips with angel wings on them. Beelzebub scoffed when they first saw them, the ridiculous things. At least demons didn’t put little red horns on anything, and they wouldnt parade them around if they did. Maybe Beelzebub had a few fly mugs tucked away in their office in Hell’s HQ that they didn’t show anybody. Maybe..  
The workspace was clean enough, they didn’t remember the last time they worked in a clean space, save for that one pipe in the corner that jutted out from the wall and leaked from time to time.  
The paperwork was filed where it was supposed to be, not put away in a random file cabinet by some idiotic lower demon. Beelzebub supposed that was nice. The cabinet’s third drawer seemed to be glued shut, though.  
The room was a tad small, the walls off white smudged with grey. They were used to small spaces, of course, but they were also used to the small spaces being packed with lower or higher ranking demons. So the space felt mostly open to them. They liked it.  
There was a medium sized window that showed Earth’s London, England. Beelzebub always had to hide their smile when Gabriel grumbled about the view, which was a brick wall. There was a long desk, that the two leaders worked silently at sometimes side by sides or across from each other. There was that sticky, but neatly filed filing cabinet. There were also two chairs, one white, other black.  
Beelzebub was banging on the file cabinet, trying to get an important file out, when Gabriel miracled in. He chuckled and waved a hand. The drawer clicked once and opened easily. Beelzebub rolled their eyes, grabbed the file, and mumbled a thank you.  
“What was that?” Gabriel raised a cupped hand to his ear.  
Beelzebub pushed the drawer back in with a bang, “I said shove it up your arse, Archangel”  
Gabriel chuckled again as he sat down in his white chair, swivelling slowly. “So polite today... Even using titles. I’m proud of you, Beez.”  
Beelzebub growled at the nickname and sat down. “I thought I told you not to call me that, would you like it if I called you Gabey?”  
Gabriel’s serpentine smile faltered for a second, but fell right back into place. “I love it! Why don’t you call me that more often?”  
Beelzebub glared him. “Azzz I said before, shove it up your arse,” They sat back in their chair. “I have work to do.”  
Gabriel shrugged and miracled in his paperwork for the day. They soon settled into their routine of not talking to each other, occasional glaring and more not talking.  
Gabriel would never say this aloud, of course, and if someone would ever get him to ingest alcohol, he would probably say that he enjoyed working in the small space with The Prince of Hell. He had always found Heaven’s HQ was so large, and so quiet. So quiet that an angel could hear a pin drop three rooms away. That everyone would know what you’re doing just by listening.  
The bright, white lights in HQ had always given him migraines. An Angel, with migraines? He almost laughed at the thought if they didn’t hurt so damn much.  
He didn’t mind this sort of silence though. It was peaceful, for him at least, even if Beelzebub fidgeted to high heaven. He looked at the Prince over his papers.  
Beelzebub was chewing their pen noisily, their flies buzzing about. They sometimes even landed on his hands when he worked, and also when Beelzebub wasn’t watching. Gabriel was pretty sure they’d squash them if they did. He didn’t mind that, with them being God’s creatures and all. He supposed that She would expect him to even love the demons...pets? He guessed they were pets. Beelzebub never told him, and he knew better than to ask questions. She hated questions.  
Beelzebub must have felt him watching them as they snapped their eyes up to his, instantly glaring.  
“What?” They snapped, their flies buzzing angrily.  
Gabriel smiled, “You have spit dripping down your pen.” He nodded his chin.  
The Prince looked down on their pen, “Hm,” and to his disgust, they leaned forward and wiped it off on his grey suit jacket.  
The angel themed pen in his hand snapped. “That was my favourite suit jacket.” He said with his typical Archangel smile.  
Beelzebub leaned back in their chair, “Really? I thought you preferred the baby blue one. Or was it the white one. I’m sorry I don’t know, I don’t really lizzzten when you speak. Like white noizzze” They said with a smirk.  
Gabriel cleanched his jaw and quickly miracled it away.  
“Of course you do,” He said tightly.  
He tried concentrating on his paperwork, as he had so much since The Armagedidn’t, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how that demon mouth juice on his favourite suit. He chewed his cheek. No, no this wouldn’t do at all. He could practically feel it sizzling through the finely woven fabric and onto his- what did humans call it? Oh yes, skin. It didn’t help that Beelzebub was watching him like a cat watches a mouse.  
“No- No,” He stood up and took off his jacket, revealing a nicely cut vest of the same cool grey his jacket was and a white dress shirt that looked like it was just pressed. “You’re disgusting, you know that?” He snapped at them.  
The Prince smiled, “What a nice thing to say, Archangel. I’m truly flattered.”  
He glared at them and made to sit back down, but made a noise of frustration. “I can even feel it on my vest.” He said as he started to unbutton it, but looked up to Beelzebub who was grinning like a fiend.  
Beelzebub twirled their pen expertly between their fingers, “Oh, don’t stop there, Gabriel. I’m enjoying this immensely.” To his horror, they raked their eyes slowly down and back up to his violet eyes.  
A muscle ticked in his jaw and he angrily buttoned up his vest. “Absolutely disgusting.” He waved his hand and the white dress shirt and grey vest were replaced with a cream coloured woven turtleneck.  
“Don’t you dare ruin this one,” He said angrily as he ran his hands down the front of his shirt, adjusting it, “It’s cashmere.” He sat back down, “I don’t want to have to take this off too..” he mumbled.  
Beelzebub feigned a gasp, “And what a shame that would be..”  
Gabriel let out a sharp breath and collected his papers. “If I had known you were going to be like this today, I wouldn’t have showed up. I have important work to do, and I don’t need you ogling or drooling over me like a piece of human food.” He got up and swiftly walked towards the door, forgetting he could miracle away in his anger.  
Beelzebub grumbled, “Don’t think there’s much to ogle at anywayzzz..” they said as they turned towards their paperwork once again.  
Gabriel threw down his file and stormed towards the Prince. They looked over a shoulder with a cocked eyebrow, and made a half snarl half buzz as Gabriel grabbed the front of their jacket in a fist and lifted them into the air, their feet a foot from the ground.  
Beelzebub’s face flashed with surprise, anger, and something else he couldn’t quite place, but it vanished as fast as it came.  
“Are you done? Because I’d really hate to ruin my shirt by pummelling you into the dirt. It’s a good shirt,”  
Beelzebub let out out another snarl/buzz as he brought them closer to his face. They could practically taste the holiness, and not to mention the anger, pouring off of him. Gross.  
“And I’ll let you know, there’s lots to ogle at.” He said with a snarl.  
Beelzebub’s eyes flashed red, “Touch me again, Archangel, and I’ll make the First War seem like a joke.”  
Gabriel scoffed, “Please. I could squash you like a bug.” He looked up to their fly on their head. “And I mean that quite literally.”  
Beelzebub hissed and clawed at his hand, “I zzzaid, let go!” They tried to kick him, but Gabriel easily avoided the move.  
Gabriel threw Beelzebub back down into their chair. “I have more important things to do than squabble with you, like getting Armeggedon back on track.” He straightened his turtleneck and smirked at them. “It was fun, though.” He cracked his neck. “Let me know when you’d like to get your ass beaten next.”  
Beelzebub shot out of their chair and took a step toward him, but he miraculed away, cashmere turtleneck and all. They buzzed with frustration and turned back to the desk to gather their paperwork.  
“I’ll discorporate him. I’ll honestly discorporate him..” They grumbled as they gathered their papers that were strewn around the desk and froze when they saw a picture frame materialize on the desk.  
It was an image of Gabriel holding Beelzebub up in the air, snarling angrily. It was titled, “The Time the Mighty Archangel Gabriel Bested a Lower Class Demon Named Beez.”  
Lower class. LOWER CLASS?! Beelzebub buzzed loudly and blasted the frame golden framed image and desk away with Hellfire until they were nothing more than a dark stain on a floor. They looked up to the sky and let out a long, long string of curses that even the other demons would blush at, and sank through the tiled floor back to Hell.  
They had no sooner vanished beneath said tiled floor when the pile of still smouldering ashes vanished and was replaced by a new desk, though this one was significantly smaller than the last and the picture frame was hung on the wall.


	2. An Archangel and a Demon sit at a slightly smaller desk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests, they sit at a smaller desk and obviously flirt and bicker!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long on this chapter! I don’t know if I want to continue this, since I’m not really sure how it would end, but we’ll see!

Beelzebub glared at the golden frame on the wall. They tried smashing it, throwing it out the window at the brick wall, burning it, but all attempts to destroy the embarrassing photo failed. It simply fixed itself and shot back on the wall. They also tried making the desk bigger, and by ‘tried’, they burned it with Hellfire of course, which also didn’t work.  
Beelzebub sighed and leaned back in their chair. They honestly couldn’t help bugging the Archangel, it was just too much fun. And since they were being honest, which isn’t often, they maybe didn’t exactly fully HATE sharing this space with the angel. Hell was always crowded and noisy. Their relatively quiet office always had some blabbering idiot demon asking for files or if The Prince sent that fax or email. If too many questions were asked, said demon would find themselves being eaten by a large, angry swarm of flies.  
Yes, if they were being honest, they didn’t mind it. Gabriel was quiet. His papers were neat and organized, and sometimes he would hum soft tunes, usually from The Sound of Music. The Archangel had a lovely voice. Though Beelzebub wouldn’t admit it, they would often recall him singing in the choirs of angels. His voice stood out from the others, making the celestial harmonies sound like the background music to his solo.  
They looked around the space they shared. It was too quiet without him and their bickering. They sighed again and got to their work. There was a lot to do to restart Armageddon.

It was well over a week since Gabriel returned to the office and was very surprised when he saw Beelzebub sitting at the noticeably smaller desk. He was even more surprised to see an image of him holding The Prince off of the ground in a fancy frame hung on the wall. He was wearing a dark grey vest, darker than he usually wore, over a white shirt. On the collar of said shirt were small angel wing pins. Beelzebub tried not to compare them to the crowns that were pinned to their own suit as he appeared at the door. They failed.  
“Well,” he said smugly, “At least you chose a nice frame...”  
“Didn’t do that.” The Prince mumbled, not looking up from their paperwork as Gabriel sat down. They both flinched when their knees bumped against each other’s.  
“Why did you make the desk so small?!?” Gabriel started, scooting his white chair back.  
Beelzebub made a sound of annoyance, “You think I want to be this close to you? Trust me, I tried burning the desk again,” They looked back at their work, “Only came back smaller the next time...”  
“Hmm.” He spread out his papers neatly on the desk, which was barely bigger than an office desk now. “Wait- ‘the next time’?” His lips twitched into a smile.  
Beelzebub glared at him over what they were reading, elbow propped up on the arms of their black chair. “...No comment.”   
It was Gabriel’s turn to rest his elbows on the desk. “Now, Beez-“ Beelzebub buzzed angrily at the nickname, “You didn’t happen to get angry after I left, did you?”  
“Fuck off.” Was all they snarled, their eyes flashing.  
Gabriel chuckled and miracled a white pen in his hand, “Alright, alright.”  
The room was silent once again except for the rustle of papers and the buzzing of Beelzebub’s flies. Too many times though, Gabriel noticed, that Beelzebub pushed their papers on top of theirs from the lack of space. Each time, he subtly moved them and kicked his foot against The Prince’s. He couldn’t help but smile as he heard the flies buzz more and more as Beelzebub got more and more angry.  
“Stop kicking me with your damn feet!” Beelzebub slammed their hand down on the papers, scattering a few of them, as he once again kicked them.  
Gabriel cocked an eyebrow, “Stop throwing around your papers like a lunatic gremlin.” He said with that Archangel’s calmness.  
Beelzebub stared at him. “‘A lunatic gremlin.’”  
“Yes.” He smiled over his papers.  
Beelzebub’s eye twitched. “A luna-I’ll show you what a fucking lunatic acts like-“ They reached across the small desk and ripped Gabriel’s papers out of his hands with one hand, crumpling them up, and burned them with Hellfire with the other.  
Gabriel stared at the seething “lunatic gremlin” with a stiff smile and simply miracled a new folder of papers into existence. “Yes, thank you for that demonstration, but if you could please keep to your own space, that would be great.”  
Beelzebub snatched up their pen and papers and organized them into one pile. “Stop kickin’ me with your monstrously big feet.” They grumbled.  
“Mmm, well you know what they say about big feet...” Gabriel said without missing a beat.  
Beelzebub froze and slowly, so slowly, looked up at him from under their lashes. He noticed that all of the flies stopped buzzing and now landed on different places of The Prince’s uniform.  
Gabriel paused, cursing himself for saying that out loud. He glared at The Prince, who was now looking at him like a raw piece of meat. “Go back to your work.” He grumbled.  
Beelzebub put down their pen, “Well, now, Archangel...” They laced their fingers together and leaned on the desk, Gabriel instantly backing away from them. “You’ve suddenly brought up a subject I’m interested in!”  
“Oh really, so you’re interested?” He snarled at them, but realized that it was the right thing to say as Beelzebub’s growing smile paused, only for a split second, but Gabriel caught it and smirked. He could have sworn he saw a flush of red on their cheeks, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.  
“Of course not.” They said simply.  
“Well, hold on, now...” He slid his chair smoothly around the desk with a single motion and now directly faced The Prince, who had a reaction that was somewhere between surprised and angry. “As an Angel- an Archangel actually,” He smoothed his hair back. “I can tell when someone is lying.”  
Beelzebub glared at him, “I’m not lying. Azzz a Prince of Hell I’d certainly know how to master a simple lie-” The mentioned Prince of Hell paused and moved back in their chair as Gabriel leaned forward and braced his arm on the top of Beelzebub’s chair. They had to look up to meet his eyes, and if anyone asked, they definitely didn’t pause at the angel wings on his collar.  
Gabriel hated having them so close to him. Yes, he absolutely hated it. Hated how his pulse had quickened when their eyes took their time to meet his. How they practically undressed him. Despised it. Yes.  
“Hm. As skilled as you may be,” It was his turn to look The Prince over, not missing the way their eyes widened slightly when he did so, “You’re not skilled enough to get past me.” He smirked at them.  
Beelzebub growled and shoved him back and shot up out of their chair. “Yes, I get it. The great Archangel Gabriel izzz smarter than a fifth grader, wonderful.” They straightened their sash and headed for the door, but Gabriel grabbed their wrist.  
“No, wai-“ Before he could finish, Beelzebub whirled around and yanked their wrist out of their grip.  
“Do you honestly think you can make a fool out of me?” They snapped, taking a step towards him with every word that made Gabriel back up towards the desk. “I am a Prince.” They hissed. “And I’m willing to bet the only thing you’re skilled at is you being on your kneezzz... and no, I’m not talking about praying... So I swear to Lucifer himself, shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” They seethed.  
Gabriel blinked at the words. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen Beelzebub so angry. He knew that he shouldn’t press their buttons any more than he already had, but he slid one of his classic Archangel Gabriel smiles into place and bent his head towards theirs.

“Make me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Hello!!! 
> 
> If you didn’t get why I wrote some of my title in all caps, it’s a pun based off of the French word ‘bureau’ which means office or desk! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I will post the second chapter soon!


End file.
